Rising Above the Roller Coaster

This month has been an incredible whirlwind emotional rollercoaster for my family and I – but especially for me.

It was the first day of this month that we gave our daughter away in marriage. And I mean, it was a giving away – she is now living in upper Michigan, and we are traveling on the road – we will not see her during the week like many people see their married children. We will not get to be with her and her new husband for dinner every once in awhile. We do not get to see the look of love pass between the two of them as they sit in the church service. She has been given away, and we no longer have her.

It has been truly difficult for me, and I have been unable to really write about it until now.

But I quickly remind myself that this is God’s plan. The man she married is a wonderful, godly, loving, hard-working young man, and a great preacher. She married in the Will of God, and I need to be thankful for the direction He has led us. I need to put my emotions aside, wipe my selfish tears, and thank God for His working to establish another godly home.

I am learning to rise above the roller coaster.

I despise emotional roller coasters. I hate the great swings of loneliness, the dips of depression, and the downs of irritation. And yet I find myself bound to this roller coaster, being in the flesh. My hormones are especially the culprits – or, at least I like to blame them! Being bound to the flesh means riding the roller coaster, unless I can find a way to release myself from the bonds of this world and float above the dipping, churning ride.

But I find myself unable to rise above this world on my own – I need God. God is strong enough to release me by His promises, to take care of me, and of my family, and of my daughter who is gone. He is strong enough to help me, encourage me, and strengthen me through these times. His Will is wonderful enough to walk even in the dark. He is enough - for me. Through Him, I can float above this crazy roller coaster of life.

OUT THE WINDOW, OR IN YOUR HEART

Yesterday I was talking to a dear friend of mine, and we were discussing our favorite subject: child training. We were talking about the fine balance between being stern and being friends with your children, and she mentioned that, in her family, the two never seemed to combine at all, and at one time her brother went out the window and ran away. To this day, he blames rules for why he left home.

Now, I know nothing of this young man’s parents, or his family, so I cannot say one thing about them. But it got me thinking: was it really rules that was the problem?

Everyone has standards. My standard for a sandwich is that it must have mayonnaise, and it cannot have mustard. Tomatoes are out, and cucumbers are in. And, it ought to have whole-wheat bread rather than dried white glue. Though my standards for a sandwich are not the same as someone elses, I still have standards.

In our lives, we have standards. The only difference is, that some people have much lower standards than others.

Since we have been on the road these past few weeks, we have been staying at church missions apartments, homes, motels, and missions houses. While staying in a home for a few weeks, I noticed the very high standards of cleanliness the host family has. They diligently washed every dish as it was dirtied, kept the washer and dryer going, and even folded and put the laundry away when it was clean! Though I didn’t do the white glove test, the corners of their rooms were visually clean, and the home had very little clutter. It was quite a refreshment to be there.

My pastor tells of the time when he and his wife and children were invited to stay in the home of a widower. “It ain’t much,” he said, “but I’d love to have y’all.” They should have clued them in, but they couldn’t have been prepared for what happened when they got to the man’s home. The coffeepot was a disgusting black, clutter was everywhere, and when you walked, it crunched! Later, they told us that when they went to go to bed, they had to moved a mound of laundry off the bed (clean laundry? Who knows?), and the roaches scattered!

This poor man obviously had a standard for cleanliness, but it certainly wasn’t up to my pastor’s standards!

In our home, we have rules. These rules are not the same as someone else’s, but they are rules just the same. My assertation is that it is not the rules that are the problem – everybody has rules, just rules of varying degrees. What happened, then? Why do people go out windows and run away? I believe it is the lack of a solid, loving relationship. Rules without a relationship always breeds rebellion.

It is vitally important that we develop close relationships to our children. We need to love them deeply, so much so that they truly know we love them! Never let down the standard, and never set aside a good rule that has stood your family for years, but increase the expressions of love to your children. They will listen to what you have to say if they know that you love them and you are looking for what is best for them.

SELFISH MOTHERS

Recently, we were at a church in the area where we grew up. As young converts, we attended special meetings and picnics between this church and our church. It was during this time when we met a fine young man named Joe. Joe had recently gotten saved, and his zeal for the Lord was boundless. It was evident in his humble attitude, his calm manner of living, and his warm smile.

As we got to know Joe, we found in him a fine example of the grace of the Lord. He grew in the Lord to be an exemplary Christian, both in word and deed. Around this time, another young lady in the area got saved from a wicked lifestyle, bringing with her a young daughter. In the process of time, God led these two young people together. My husband and I had the supreme honor of being able to sing at their wedding.

I mentioned that to Joe that morning. It was then that I saw a shadow pass his face. “Ah, those were in happier days,” he said wistfully, and looked away. Throughout the morning I kept my eye out for his sweet wife. Isn’t she here? I wondered. So after church at an opportune moment, I asked the Pastor’s wife, and what followed was one of the saddest stories I’ve ever heard.

It was now almost 20 years later, and her little girl had grown up into a beautiful young lady. She was engaged to marry a young man in the church as soon as she graduated from college. But something went terribly wrong. During the course of events, while the daughter was away at college, her mother began a relationship with her fiancé! And so it happened that she stole her daughter’s fiancé, ruined her own family, and completely tore the hearts of the fiance’s parents!

I have been shocked almost speechless all day because of this woman’s selfish acts. I knew her well – how could she do this?? I can only come up with one conclusion: selfishness! And so, I began thinking of the one thing a child cannot bear: a selfish mother.

When we think of motherhood, we think, and rightly so, of the embodiment of self-sacrifice. It is through becoming a mother that we walk through the valley of the shadow of death to bring forth the new life. We give everything we have and everything we are, to our children. We give them food, money, and clothes. We give them our names, our likeness, and our personality traits. We even give them time, love, and security.

But it is not so with all mothers. Nor is it so with us all the time. How could this mother ruin her daughter’s life? Why did she do it? She did it because she had her own desires to satisfy!

But this didn’t happen all at once. First there is a thought pattern of selfishness, then an action pattern, a group of habits. At first they are not too obviously selfish, but they are nonetheless. But selfish thoughts don’t stop on their own. Our natural inclinations take us down fast. It becomes a circular pattern, circling ever lower. Before you know it, everyone is shocked that “such a nice person” could do “such a thing as that!.”

Selfcenteredness on the part of a parent is something that is very difficult for a child to understand, let alone handle. It is too difficult for a young one to understand that Mommy wants to do her own thing and doesn’t want to “be bothered” by the little stories or songs.

Look for selfish signs in your own life. Are they there? You’ll find them lurking in the hidden places of your heart. For your family’s sake, repent! For God’s sake, repent! And if for no other reason, for your own sake, repent! Maybe God will restore to us the years that sin has taken, and the joy and peace that selfish thoughts and actions have stolen. Revival begins with us.

Love is an Action

Today I vacuumed my bedroom and bathroom. Unfortunately, our bathroom floor has carpet (nasty carpet, too – but it will soon be going! J). Now, I seem to have a mental block to vacuuming those two room, so it can build up sometimes. But my husband really likes to have the floors looking nice, so I decided that, for him, I would try to keep them clean.

As I began vacuuming today, it occurred to me that perhaps love is an action verb, rather than a noun. We had always been taught at school that love is a noun – a thing that cannot be seen or felt, but a noun nonetheless. But it seems to me that the expression of love is one of the most important things in a relationship. To my husband, a clean floor is an expression of love. And so, to be a blessing to him, I did my best to vacuum our floor all nice and neat.

Many people think that love is a feeling. I used to think so myself. When I was young (younger??), I felt the goose-pimple rush of blushing infatuation just thinking about my dear hubby. Evenutally, however, that teeny-bopper feeling grew into a deeper commitment to respect, love, and be a blessing to him. I learned that love is not merely a feeling. Love is an action based on a decision. I decided, years ago, that I would love my husband. And these 22+ years, I have been expressing that love in a myriad of different ways, showing him that I love him. I sometimes have those gushy feelings of infatuation, but I have decided that I will love him with or without feelings through various loving actions. These little expressions of love keep our marriage going these many years.

Love is putting lego arms on tiny little lego bodies for my daughter. Love is getting up and making breakfast when I don’t feel like it. Love is trying to keep a clutter-free home so we can all enjoy it. Love is serving a cup of iced tea on a ninety degree day. Love is making a mess decorating Christmas cookies, even though I hate voluntarily making messes. And love is being willing to let your sweet daughter go, to be the wife of a godly young man and make a home for them both.

Love is serving. Love is selflessness. Love is sacrifice.

Love is an action.

The Joys of Soulwinning

In our town near Fort Hood, the city hosts an annual Festival which draws crowds of close to 120,000 each year. This is quite a leap from our normal population of about 40,000! Folks come from all over central Texas to enjoy the heat, the booths, the rides, and everything. Our church here has had a booth set up at the festival for the past few years. But not a booth to sell anything, and not a church booth - a soulwinning booth! At the booth there is a display which asks folks questions about God, the final question being something like, "Did you know that God can't let a person into heaven unless they have been born again?" From there, the onlooker has the opportunity to learn how to be born again, and if they want to, they can go talk to someone who can explain what being born again means, and how, according to the Bible, we are born again.

Last night was my opportunity to "woman" the booth, while my oldest daughter stayed at home with the children. (I couldn't "man" the booth, could I?) It was quite a blessing for me to take the time to pass out some smilie booklets (with the gospel in them), and then to talk to several groups of people about the Lord. I even had the wonderful opportunity to lead a young lady to Christ! This was such a blessing to me!

But even more wonderfully, each of my three oldest children have had the opportunity to present the gospel to many people. Some folks have even trusted Christ as their Saviour through their witness! This is truly exciting for me. After all, isn't that what the Lord left us here to do? Isn't that what life is all about? What a wonderful thing to be able to point others to the Saviour! And I am blessed that it has been quite a boost to my young folks, as well.

They are on their way home right now - I can't wait to hear the stories tonight!!

The Mother-Daughter Relationship

Ah, blessed springtime! The time of new growth – new leaves, new flowers, and baby chicks. I love spring, almost as much as I love fall. I love to grow things, whether it is a plant, a tree, or a baby chick. Or even just a baby!

With Mother’s Day here, I’ve been thinking lately about the relationship between mothers and daughters. I enjoy a wonderful relationship with my oldest daughter, as well as each of the younger ones, and I know it is a growing process. This growth does not happen overnight, nor does it happen without some work on my part, but the harvest is tremendous!

One of the most vital things in developing good relationships with our daughters is a vision! Having a vision for a good relationship with your daughter is vitally important to passing our faith onto the next generation.

Deut 6:2 says, “That thou mightest fear the LORD thy God, to keep all His statures and His commandments, which I command thee, thou, and thy son, and thy son’s son, all the days of thy life; and that thy days may be prolonged.” I think this applies to daughters as well. After all, who will be raising your grandchildren?

(Psalm 78: 4, 7) “We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and His strength, and His wonderful workds that HE hath done…That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments”

Catch a vision for what the Lord can do through you! You have the incredible opportunity to impact the next generation for Christ. Then, through them, we can reach the world! This is a very big vision, but it begins at home, one heart at a time.

It is so important to have a multi-generational vision. This is the eye that looks beyond ourselves and our own desires and needs, even beyond our own families and church, and looks deep into eternity. Think about some of the great mothers in Scripture:

Jochabed, Moses mother was nursing a future prophet of God, called the meekest man on earth

Hannah, the mother of Samuel, changed diapers of the man of God of whom it was said that “God did let none of his words fall to the ground”

Ruth, the mother of Obed, grandmother to David, held in her arms the one who would be father to the great king of Israel, called the “man after God’s own heart”

Who were the mothers of these godly mothers? We are not told who they were, but we know from the lives of these ladies that they must have been godly women! Think about it for a minute - Who knows whose diaper we are changing? Who knows whose dinners we are making or whose messes we are cleaning up? We may be raising a great man of God, or the mother of someone who will greatly impact our world. How vastly important this business of training and loving children is!

It is this very vision, an eternal vision, which will enable you to look beyond the drudgery of the day-to-day tasks and see the working of God in your family. It is this vision that will help you do whatever it takes to grow a good relationship with your daughter.

Ask the Lord to help you be an agent of His eternal will! He desires to use you to guide His daughters in the right path!

Have a Happy Mother’s Day, and enjoy your daughters and all your children!

Communication in The Techno-age

In this techno-age when all you have to do is pull a cell-phone out of your pocket, whip off an e-mail, or hop into your vehicle to pay a visit, why is it that we talk less and less to each other?

Back in the “old days,” before people began going around in cars, it would be the typical thing for people to head out for a Sunday drive with the horse and buggy to go visit some neighbors or relatives. With the work for the week being done, they would spend hours sitting on the front porch talking, laughing, and telling stories while the kids would play. Evening would come, and with it, chore time, so the family would gather back into the buggy for the ride back home. These weekly excursions were a treasured time, a memory not soon forgotten.

And much transpired during those times. Binding a family together, those old stories were told and retold, sometimes losing their shape, but always getting more interesting. The kids learned about how Grandpa was out hunting and his friend accidentally shot his foot (hunter safety), or how Grandma thought that painting an ice-box white would turn it into a refrigerator (childish thinking can get you in trouble.) More than anything, they learned that their parents were kids at one time, making mistakes and learning about life, just like they were. Those wonderful times of communication were a way of transferring values, beliefs, and philosophies about life.

But times have changed. Though we have become a faster, sleeker society, with tools for communication all around us, we rarely develop those close relationships which breed wonderful memories. Not even with those of our own household! Though we have so many useful appliances to help us get our work done faster, we no longer have those blocks of time of several hours to just sit around and enjoy being with someone. Something is missing in our relationships. Is it really that we have very little time, or is it simply a matter of focus?

What a wonderful thing it is to know that you are known, and better yet, to know that you are also loved, even though you are known. That’s what friendships are! But, oh, it is so much better to have those blessed friendships with those of your own family! Not only do we share the same genes, the same family history, and the same background, but we also share the same home, and I can be with them all the time! It is the hunger to develop those close relationships among family members that will drive you to take the time necessary.

With all the techno-inventions screaming for our attention, it would be highly difficult to turn from them and take time to be with the family. But that is what we must do, if we are to build close relationships! So, take the time – turn off the tube, walk away from the computer, and leave your cell phone at home. Go to some quiet place with your family, look them in the eyes, and begin the blessed journey of communication. Talk, laugh, tell jokes! And most of all, love them, and tell them so.

The Importance of Communication

My husband likes to take me out to lunch once a week, if possible, so today he took me to a great buffet in town. We had such a nice time, talking, laughing, reminiscing, and just being together.

The Lord has blessed us with a sweet daughter who will be getting married in a month and a half, and, since I have a great desire to be able to call her when she disappears to far-off Michigan, and our current phone contract is up, we decided to go to another cellular phone place and change carriers. This phone service will allow me to call her mobile to mobile for free – unlimited talk time. And, I also was able to get a camera phone – which means that when the Lord begins blessing us with grandchildren, I’ll be able to see them!

All this is relatively expensive, but communication is so important, I am ready and willing to pay the price! What relationship can survive without healthy, loving communication?

We need to do whatever is in our power to communicate to our families. They need to know we love them! Hopefully I will be writing on this more later, but suffice it to say, they need focused, real, and consistent expressions of love. May the Lord help us to that end!

Bridal Shower

Though it almost made it to being a surprise, Kathryn found out about the Bridal Shower just a few minutes before arriving at the church where it was hosted. Ah, the "blessings" of younger siblings! She was, however, very pleased, and I think was still somewhat surprized.

We had a great time. There was food, a beautiful two-tiered cake, a fountain with lights, and of course all the decorations. Presents were everywhere! Such kind people the Lord has blessed us to know.

The devotional Mrs. Harvey gave this evening was such a blessing, also. She spoke simply, from the heart, and also from much experience. She is the kind of godly older woman that we all can look up to and learn much from.

I have heard of Bridal Showers of worldly people who have had wicked games, ungodly discussions, and gifts shown before all that are only meant to be seen in private. It is refreshing to be in a Bridal Shower where lewd things are not brazenly discussed.

The purity and sanctity of marriage is at stake when we take the wonderful and precious things of marraige and treat them as base, lewd things. There can be no room for compromise in these areas in the life of a godly Christian, for to do so would cheapen our own relationships. I am thankful that my daughter and her fiance recognize the dangers in flirting with worldly atitudes.

Long live the godly home and the pure marriage!!

I had the wonderful problem today of having little ones almost constantly underfoot. My husband was at work, and each of the older children were busy with things that kept them out of the house most of the day, so it was me and my 3 little ones at home. I taught Lydia and Johanna their math lessons (2nd and 1rst grade), made lunch(with their help), and, while Jason took his nap, the girls did their phonics, and reading. Then, after Jason woke up, it was time to start dinner, and they all helped me cut up the melon, etc.

It seems to me that many mothers with large families tend to ignore the little ones. The commotion caused by a family with a lot of children of many ages sends some mothers into a tailspin, and they sit in their seat, holding their heads and saying, "Don't bother me now, I'm trying to get something done. Go play." And there IS so much to do! I find myself going from the time my feet touch the floor in the morning to the time I pull them back under the sheets at night.

I was taught long ago from my mother that if you tend to a child's needs when they need met, then you will have a contented child, and I have found it to be true. Each of my children have needs throughout the day - from the 2 year-old to the 20year old - that need met, and can only be met by me! Sometimes I feel that there is not enough ME to go around! But the Lord is faithful, who will not put on us more than we can bear. If He has given us these children to love and take care of, He will give us the strenth to do the job!

I have been reading about those who have their little ones with them while they work, garden, cook, clean, etc., and how that binds the hearts of mothers and children together. So I've been trying it with my yong children. I want them to learn to enjoy work, and to know how to do things around the house. It serves two purposes: they learn how to work, and they get to be with me! They LOVE it! (And that's an understatement!)

Even when the big ones are grown, the little ones still need that time with Mom. Though it is very difficult, I want to do my best to meet that need. So far, my little ones are happy, contented, and learning!