Our 25th Wedding Anniversary

Yes, folks, it’s true. Twenty five years ago today, My Beloved and I “tied the knot,” pledging ourselves to each other before the Lord and a bunch of people. For our Silver Anniversary, we have some big plans! Wanna hear what I’m gonna do?

First, since my hubby still has to work this evening, I’m going to take him to work and drop him off. Then, (don’t tell!) I’m planning on taking the car through a car wash, and then writing “STILL MARRIED, 25 YEARS!” all over it. I’m also going to the salon to have my hair done, and I may do some shopping… all without the kids, of course! That gives me time to get a nice card and a gift, and other goodies.

When he gets off work at 9:30, my, will he be surprised! Then the fun begins!
We are heading south (to an undisclosed location), and will be “away” till early next week, so if you don’t hear from me for awhile…you’ll know I’m “pleasantly occupied.”
I’ll be back…eventually!

A Fence or an Ambulance

‘Twas a dangerous cliff, as they freely confessed,
Though to walk near its crest was so pleasant;
But over its terrible edge there had slipped
A duke and full many a peasant.
So the people said something would have to be done,
But their projects did not at all tally;
Some said, “Put a fence around the edge of the cliff,”
Some, “An ambulance down in the valley.”

But the cry for the ambulance carried the day,
For it spread through the neighboring city;
A fence may be useful or not, it is true,
But each heart became brimful of pity
For those who slipped over that dangerous cliff;
And the dwellers in highway and alley
Gave pounds or gave pence, not to put up a fence
But an ambulance down in the valley.

“For the cliff is all right, if you’re careful,” they said,
“And, if folks even slip and are dropping,
It isn’t the slipping that hurts them so much
As the shock down below when they’re stopping.”
So day after day, as these mishaps occurred,
Quick forth would those rescuers sally
To pick up the victims who fell off the cliff,
With their ambulance down in the valley.

Then an old sage remarked: “It’s a marvel to me
That people give far more attention
To repairing results than to stopping the cause,
When they’d much better aim at prevention.
Let us stop at its source all this mischief,” cried he,
“Come, neighbors and friends, let us rally;
If the cliff we will fence we might almost dispense
With the ambulance down in the valley.”…

Better guide well the young than reclaim them when old,
For the voice of true wisdom is calling,
“To rescue the fallen is good, but ‘tis best
To prevent other people from falling.”
Better close up the source of temptation and crime
Than deliver from dungeon or galley;
Better put a strong fence round the top of the cliff
Than an ambulance down in the valley.

Joseph Malins

The Cat’s Away, but do the mice play?

“When the Cat’s away, the mice will play,” is a saying that went around my house when Mom and Dad went out. I’m not going to go into all we did, but, thankfully, the Lord moved into my life and made a tremendous difference!

The Lord has seen fit to allow my husband and sons to go overseas to minister in Australia for awhile. For the first time in my married life, I am experiencing something like the military wives experience all the time – separation. Some people like it, but I sure don’t. Some people may say they get more done, but I seem to not know what to do with myself. Some people think, “Ah, freedom! Freedom to run this home just the way I want to!” but I think, “Oh, me! How I wish my hubby were here to help me make all these insane decisions!!” The Cat may be gone, but the mice do not play.

Oh, don’t get me wrong; everything’s fine. We are still having a good time. I am getting the opportunity to visit with my daughter and her husband, and to get a few things done here in the bus. We even went to the park last week for some “partial family time” (that’s family time for part of the family.) But I am finding myself to be a very boring person, and even in the fun times, I dearly miss my husband and the guys.

However, there is light at the end of the tunnel! Next week, they are coming home!! Lord willing, it will be play time again, and I may even get some things done! :)

Sorry I’ve kept everyone in suspense for so long. I finally decided to get a Google account, and then we got really busy with the bus.

It has been tremendously difficult to figure out how to school, etc., in the bus. Because we have no table, I have to figure out another way to put out manipulatives, large textbooks, etc. Anyway, I am still tweaking the morning routine in order to get a whole school day in before 3:30 pm.

In addition, we had our bus painted. A fella in a church in Missouri who owns a paint shop offered to professionally paint the bus for us, if we paid for the paint and did all the preparation. In the process, we killed about a week of time, made a really big mess, and ended up with a very nicely painted cream colored bus. It is so shiny and sleek!

Soon the guys will go to Australia. I will really miss them, but I try not to think of it much for now. I just want to enjoy the time with them while I have them.

I’ll try not to make it too long until I write again!

ANNOUNCEMENT, & WHAT OUR KIDS REALLY NEED

I am looking into putting my blog onto our family's website, www.ew-mm.com, since blogger is trying to move me to a Google account, which I'm not sure I want to do. I may not be able to get back on here to forward you to my new place, so if you don't hear from me for awhile, look on our website to see if the new page is up and ready.

Meanwhile, here are a few thoughts for you:


Vision Forum sent out an e-mail today which has pricked my thoughts on a matter I have already been thinking about.

You see, our children need more than doctrine. They need more than teaching on how to live the Christian life. They need more than teaching on what to do and what not to do. They need a vision for WHY to do the right thing. They need to see the blessing that comes from doing right.

Anna Sofia Botkin is the co-author of the book, So Much More, a book dedicated to imparting to young ladies a vision for noble womanhood. In her speech entitiled “The Thirteenth Year,” she had these things to say about living in this generation:

The women of our generation have forgotten how to be women and how to be mothers. Some of the most important lessons we learned about womanhood this year, we learned together on the Faith and Freedom tour of Plymouth this past Fall. I learned that the current women of America are not just lesser women than their pilgrim mothers, they are the perfect opposites of their pilgrim mothers.
Where they used to be strong, now they are weak. Where they used to be models of sturdy virtue, they now are examples of flimsy immorality. Where they used to understand the importance of children and selflessly sacrifice for them, now they murder them in the womb as a sacrifice to their own selfishness. And the majority of Christians nod their heads in approval. This is your generation, and mine.
As evil as this generation is, many thirteen-year-old girls feel an uncanny attraction to it, and a desire to be approved of by it. I know I did. Our generation is out to get us, with their glossy magazines, TV shows — every medium of communication they have — they have used to ensnare thirteen-year-old girls….
In this stormy generation which will try to shipwreck you, God has given you two wonderful gifts. Two things will help you keep your heart pure and enable you to see evil with the Lord’s eyes:
1. Intimacy with God and His Word and His Law. Immerse yourself in the Scriptures and pray that God will give you purity and wisdom.
2. Intimacy with your parents. A spirit of gratitude and honor for your parents will guard your heart and could preserve your life. I cannot stress this enough.
….The duty of all second-generation Christians is to stand on their parents’ shoulders and succeed them; to go further and conquer new ground — to make new biblical discoveries, to reach greater heights of theological precision, to root out even more worldliness of thinking and living, to have more obedient Christian families, and to extend Christ’s dominion into every nation. And this will leave plenty for our children to do, and even our great-great-grandchildren.
We first generation Christians have forged a path for our young ones to follow – now they must take the baton and carry it even further.
I seek to impart to my children the necessity and blessing of serving God. Personally, I’m not really sure the best way to go about it, but I’ve been asking God for wisdom, guidance, and strength to do what I need to do to see the next generation fervently serving our Lord!

Standing Proudly By Her Man

Looking for parts for a generator for our bus, we drove today to Houston to a diesel engine dealer. My husband had found a deal on an engine he hopes to make into a diesel generator on Ebay, and wanted to come down to test it before buying.

Deep down in the shadow of the Houston skyscrapers, we drove past a homeless man pushing a grocery cart laden with bags down the middle of the street as we wound our way to the man’s business. Upon our arrival, we were greeted by a friendly young man in his late 20’s, who eagerly showed us around his large but dirty shop, proudly showing his many diesel engines, parts, and things that most would call junk. Within moments, my guys were embroiled in a technical conversation about various what-nots to be found laying around on the property.

The owner of this business was the most interesting person to talk to. He had been a software engineer until about a year ago, when he decided to combine his dream of starting his own business with his love of mechanics. Being the visionary that he is, he bought this huge empty warehouse, made a section of it into an apartment for him and his young wife, and began dealing in various forms of diesel motors.

Of course, at sometime during the bargaining process, my little boy developed quite a need for the bathroom. Thankfully, the bathroom available was not just a “workers’ bathroom,” if you know what I mean, but it was thankfully in the man’s apartment. I was definitely curious to see if I could talk to his wife for a few minutes.

Though she was 8 months pregnant with their first child and had to extricate herself from the comfy sofa, his wife was happy to let us come into her home. “Oh, come in!” she said. I sheepishly thanked her for letting us come use her facilities, and quickly directed my little ones to the necessary room.

When we went out, I quickly glanced around, taking in the sparseness of the apartment. It was pretty cold, too, and it had a huge ceiling that was letting out gobs of warm air. The kitchen had the bare essentials, and the sofa looked a bit lonely in the living area.

It occurred to me that most women would not put up with such a “crazy” career change, especially if it meant a bit of “biting the bullet. But this young lady was not only flexable about her surroundings, but seemed to enjoy them. She was content with what her man was doing. After talking with her a little, I discovered that she had left all her family in Mexico to come to America. She had a pioneer spirit – willing to take some hardships in order to accomplish a goal. She is content and happy to stand by her man while he steps out to follow his dream. She knows she cannot fit her husband into her mold. She wisely gets behind him as he leads the family into unknown territory.

She is the driving force behind his dreams.

As the wife of a visionary, I can spot another visionary husband from a mile away. I also can easily sense irritation and resentment in his wife. I know what is going on in her mind, since I have been down the same path. I have discovered in my brief time of marriage that my man may have some “strange” ideas, and may not do things the way other men do, but God has made him to be different. God has made the visionaries to me the movers and shakers of the world. And when he lights upon success, the supportive wife can stand smiling beside her husband while others hail his ingenuity. The wife who desires to put her visionary man into another mold may find herself alone before he meets with success.

This dear woman was standing by her visionary husband, even though it meant living in unusual situations.

Stand by your man, young lady, and you will someday be proudly standing by him when he is one of the most successful businessmen in Houston.

One-Sided Love?

Hi Mrs. Raub: I was really inspired by your article on what makes a good mother. More less I could associate with you being cloud nine just knowing your husband loves you more than anyone in the world! I used to know that. We have been married almost 10 years and I'm afraid we've lost our spark. My husband doesn't seem to remember we ever had it. He tells me he is committed to me and I need to be happy with that. What can I do? Seems my love is one sided?

Dear friend,

Thank you so much for your comment! You are not alone in your situation – there are many millions of women out there with the same problems. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I do know a few things from my 23 years of marriage and experience dealing with young couples, etc.

I personally think it is absolutely wonderful that your husband is committed to you! What a blessing! Many men have no concept of commitment, so you have an unusual man there! Just think: he has commitment! That means he is sticking with you, no matter what! And he is committed to YOU! You may not feel special in his eyes, but you are special, nonetheless.

You cannot control what goes on sale at the supermarket, but you an control what you buy. You cannot control his feelings. Neither can you control his attitudes, his words, or his actions. What you CAN control are your own responses to his feelings, words, attitudes, or actions. Many times we respond to our husbands’ tired grumpiness with irritation. Irritation quickly turns to anger, which leads to bitterness. Maybe we feel wronged in some way (who hasn’t been wronged by a loved one?) We can control our own expressions of frustration. Let me rephrase that: we MUST control ourselves if we are going to have a decent marriage.

Let me also say that you are not your husband’s conscience – you are his help meet. When he does something that is wrong, it is not your job to make sure he knows it. Now, I am certainly not perfect, but I try to mention things to my husband in a very respectful and casual way (privately, and to be a help to him). But I am not here to make sure he knows what to do and what not to do. That is the Holy Spirit’s job. When we try to “play Holy Spirit,” we are taking on ourselves far too much, and short-circuiting the work of God in his life.

Just as you CAN save money at the supermarket with careful planning, you can win him back – with a willingness to try and careful planning. If you will be smiling, loving, accepting, forgiving, and, certainly not least - his passionate lover, you can win his heart to you!

I highly recommend hishelpmeet.com, a website dedicated to helping Christian wives fulfill their purpose, and the book, Created To Be His Help Meet, by Debbi Pearl. As ladies seeking to do His Will, we can glean helpful instruction from such sources.

You are at a wonderful time of your life. You have only been married 10 years, so you and your husband are still young, and not quite so set in your ways. You can turn this thing around within the next year, if you ask the Lord for strength and guidance! May our gracious Lord grant the petition you ask of Him!

With A Heart For Home,

Lisa

UNDESIRABLE TRAITS FOR YOUNG WOMEN

After spending some hours talking with my young men about what to look for in a young woman, I decided to do a little research. I’ve been thinking about this subject, and of course keeping my eyes open. Here is one undesirable trait in a young woman: mocking.

I’ll share with you a bit of the results of the study, and as I come up with more, I’ll post more.

Mocking: ridicule, tease, make fun of, laugh at, scorn, scoff at, deride; mimic, imitate

Ge 21:9 And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking.

2Ki 2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

2Ch 36:16 But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath of the LORD arose against his people, till there was no remedy.

Pr 14:9 Fools make a mock at sin: but among the righteous there is favour.

Mt 27:31 And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to crucify him

From just a little look at the Word of God, you can see that mocking is something a person does to someone else, and it’s not good. Any young lady, or perhaps she’s just a female, who spends some time mocking others is not a good candidate for my sons.

Preparation for Motherhood, Part 2

I know I’m supposed to write something nice and mushy for Christmas, but my mind is still going about the subject of preparation for parenting. Last time I wrote about what I believe to be the first and foremost “requirement” for successful parenting, and that is, after having a living and vibrant relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, to have a wonderful and loving relationship with your husband. Today, I’d like to deal with what I believe to be one of the most important aspects of child training:

Developing “Backbone”

Mothers are famous the world over for being loving, kind, sweet, and always thinking the best of their children. I’ve noticed over the years, however, that mothers are also known for being “pushovers” – allowing their children to get away with everything short of murder!

Not being willing to say “NO” is the root of an established selfish streak in a child. A mother who is afraid, or even who has reservations about crossing a child’s will, quickly finds herself in situations far beyond her control. A mother needs to have some “backbone,” willingness to say “no,” even when she doesn’t feel like it.

This philosophy doesn’t get along very well with the modern “do-whatever-feels-good” society, and I’m afraid many young women were coddled themselves, and so do not know what it is like to have someone say “no” to them. For young women such as these, there is a very high mountain to climb, but it is not unclimbable. “I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me.”

Denying the flesh is the heart of the matter. A woman who is not willing to deny herself and work hard will be unable to require that of her children. A woman who has a “hissy fit” when things don’t go her way will find it nearly impossible to direct her childrens’ wills, and insist on quiet compliance.

We must understand the outcome of what we currently allow. Everything done to a very small child will magnify itself, until the child is grown, at which time the character traits will actually be a large part of what the young person is.

Susanna Wesley, mother of the famous men of God, John and Charles Wesley, said it this way,

“In order to form the minds of children, the first thing to be done is to conquer their will and bring them to an obedient temper. To inform the understanding is a work of time, and must with children proceed by slow degrees, as they are able to bear it; but the subjecting the will is a thing that must be done at once, and the sooner the better, fot be neglecting timely correction they will contract a stubbornness and obstinacy which are hardly ever after conquered, and never without using such severity as would be as painful to me as to the child….I cannot yet dismiss the subject. As self-will is the root of all sin and misery, so whatever cherishes this in children ensures their after wretchedness and irreligion: whatever checks and mortifies it, promotes their future happiness and piety. This is still more evident when we further consider that religion is nothing else than doing the will of God and not our own; that the one grand impediment to our temporal and eternal happiness being this self-will, not indulgence of it can be trivial, no denial, unprofitable.” (emphasis mine)

For some reason, many of us have a tendency to allow boys, especially cute little ones, to “get away with more,” for lack of better words. This does not help them at all! They grow up to be big, self-centered mommy-coddled clods! Don’t let it happen!

Ladies, we need to have some backbone! Be willing to say “No!” First to yourself, and then to your children!

Preparing for Motherhood

Here’s a question that was posed to me recently, and I thought is was a very good one.

What can I do, as a wife, to prepare myself for motherhood?

(Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically or all of the above)

When I first saw this question, I came up with an immediate answer. Then I thought to myself, no, that’s too simple. So I thought about this awhile longer. Then I came right back to the same answer. The more I thought about it, the more I can see the truth of this.

So, my answer to this question is: the best way, as a wife, to prepare for motherhood is: Learn to LOVE your HUSBAND! As I said, it sounds like a very simple answer, but I believe it is one of the keys to being a good mother. The main key, of course, is a good relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, but the next major step would be constantly developing a good relationship with your husband.

Children put an incredible strain on a marriage. And it’s not just when they’re babies, either. Everything from differences in child training practices, the child manipulating one parent against the other, and even just not having much time to communicate are constantly putting stumbling blocks to a good marriage. And with each added child, though each is a wonderful blessing from God, the dizzying round of activity and confusion increases.

If a marriage is cemented in Biblical values and love, it will weather many a storm, and you can be sure the storms will come. But without both of those things, there can be no anchor for the marriage, and every problem becomes a nightmare.

When there is a problem in the marriage, it is a problem with the children. It is the old story of the man having trouble at work, comes home and argues with his wife, who in turn yells at the kids, who in turn kick the dog, who in turn bites the cat! But if the marriage is solid and the wife is right with God, the man may come home and try to argue with his wife, but her soft answers will be an encouragement and blessing to him. Then when she turns from him, she can smile at the children and speak words of blessing and comfort to them. In her tongue will be the law of kindness.

Last week, I was able to spend a most wonderful time with my husband. We talked, joked, laughed, and then went out for lunch where we planned, shared burdens, and bounced theories off of each other. It was a time of seclusion and romance, just the two of us. But when I got home from my escapade into dreamland, I had an unstoppable smile. The kids could spill the milk, fight over a baby doll, and step on my sore toe, and everything was still all right. The moon was beautifully bright, and my husband loved me more than anyone else in the world.

What makes a great mother? Love. What better preparation for motherhood could there be? And there can be no more stabilizing influence in a family than for mom to be terribly in love with dad!